Vote for Cezar & Mariah Remix + Post Video on Facebook = FREE iPOD TOUCH!!!

Yeah, that’s how shameless I go with my promos.

So, it’s easy as pie:

1. Go here to vote for the remix

2. Go here to watch the video and the first 100 to comment can win the iPod

3. Share the vid to your Facebook profile, take a screenshot, and email it to David Mullings @ mariahremix@realvibez.tv

Drawing is on Sept 20.  Whoo hoo!

Back. Again.

…And I’ve made the switch to WorldPress!  Let’s hope this means I’ll actually blog more and improve my writing skills…

The Return of Cookiepuss

I haven’t blogged in far too long. So much for New Year’s Resolutions.

I think a large part of the reason is that I’m never sure what to blog *about*. What, am I going to talk about the latest boy I’m dying over who isn’t really into me at all? Or gripe and complain about how directionless I feel in life in general, or how little I wanna be here, etc. Those things are easy. I do it everyday, all day, and frankly, it bores me now. I’m bored of my mind-space and its random spewings of nonsense. I wanna start doing something substantial. Maybe your comments can help me figure this out [hint hint].

So. The balance I wanna strike is this: I wanna have a blog worth reading… something that makes you wanna check in everyday, but then I don’t want it to be about people in my life because I don’t want them to read it by accident. God forbid they should find out what I *really* think about them on the web. Yikes.

Maybe I should go back to responding to Craigslist posts. Or maybe I could really do a random acts of kindness theme… and post the positive [or not so positive] results.

Hmm… that actually sounds like it might work. Tune in next time. haha

<3 *

NYE

Holy people-read-my-blog Batman! People read my blog!

Thanks, Hannah and Ernest, for posting comments on my last entry. I’m now convinced my writing is of superior quality because two of my coolest Asian friends commented… and I doubt it’s because of any correlation with a decreased literacy rate in my friends of other races.

::quickly slips foot from out of mouth::

Moving on.

So, it’s New Year’s Eve. It’s 6am on New Year’s Eve, and I haven’t gone to bed yet. The idea was to stay up and get a head start on planning my 2008, but I ended up listening to old episodes of This American Life and trying to scrapbook with old gold glittery puff paint and decoupage gel. It looks quite retarded. Maybe I should honor Hannah’s request and hit up Craigslist once again — find some unsuspecting, lonely, and tragically single guy and try to improve his odds with a girl like me [all while never admitting that I'm really more of a girl like him... lonely and tragically single]!

OH — Life’s irony! This all reminds me of a line from The Science of Sleep:

Maybe she has a pattern… she doesn’t want to get hurt, and by that she’s hurting people… and by hurting people she thinks she’s not going to get hurt, but she gets hurt…

Constantly, throughout this Gondry film, I thought… how did he manage to get inside my head, and explain how I feel to me? I’ve spent years trying to explain myself to me, and he summed me up in one long run-on sentence, spoken by a grimey and potentially perverted old man. Truth is, that’s *exactly* who I am [sometimes]: the girl who doesn’t want to get hurt, and ends up hurting people, which ends up hurting me. Or maybe I’m the girl who doesn’t think she’ll get hurt this time, so plays to win, ends up losing, then gives up… until she gets to play again. ORRR maybe I’m the girl who psychs herself out by playing like she’s *not* interested when she *is* because she doesn’t want to freak people out again [like she always does], and in doing so she bored someone to death and they stopped calling altogether. If by chance you’re still reading my insane babbling, and if by chance your name is Hannah… then FYI, I haven’t heard from colored-tank-top boy since that time I told you about.

Yep. I’m being dodged. Possibly because he thinks I’m psycho.

HOLY SHIT!!

MAYBE HE’S READ MY BLOG!!!!

[insert ominous theme music]

So, since men are clearly out of the picture… back to the plan for 2008. Here’s some randomness I just came up with on the fly. In reverse order:

#3 – It would be nice to blog more. Write more. Think more, and do more. I used to consider myself artsy, but I think I suppressed it to be more “normal.” What kind of artist stops their heartbeat so the world won’t identify them as who they really are? Yeah, I need to cut that out. All things art, all things heart, amped up to 110%, where they belong… out on the limb, with only vulnerability to hold on to, and risk to call a friend.

#2 – Do more for you. All of you. Friend or stranger. Live the kinda life you’ll respect and attempt to replicate. Be someone you look up to, confide in, take care of. Trust. Embody the idea of human, and what it means to be real… whole… here. There’s more to this life than we limit our minds into believing. This year, I’m going to help you discover that.

#1 – Change the world.

What’s on your list?

[P.S. I'm so drunk with sleep right now. If this post made no sense, I blame it on sleepiness. If it happened to be phenomenally profound, it's b/c I'm a genius. You know this. C'mon now. psh]

Ben

This is Ben.

I love Ben.

Hi Ben.

Oh Ben, you’re such a badass.

major improvements

I realize the trick to making a good blog great is posting pictures. So here’s a monkey on a chair.

It’s been too long.

About a year ago I embarked on a life changing journey. I moved far away with hardly a reason or a clue. I felt it was the best decision of my life because I learned so much about myself. I learned how to be mature and how to be a kid. I like me a little more. I also decided that art imitates life. I realised that certain patterns repeat themselves in my life, but what makes all the difference is how I deal with it. My closest girlfriend always tells me that you can’t control how you feel, but you have total control over how you react… and that’s what makes the difference.

I haven’t been journaling as much as I used to. It’s almost like when things are going “well” in life, writing about it seems less important. When things suck, everyone knows, and there are 20 pages of angry scribbles to document it. This has been going on for years. That damn journal is filled with curses against people I once claimed to love. Reading it alone and never speaking with me, one would figure I’m psycho. Of course, meeting me, people still think I’m psycho.

It was a good year. Everything “bad” that happened, I look at as a “glass half full” experience, and tried to learn from it. The car accident, the failed attempt at a mock pilot for a travel show, and 2 rejections from wonderful people I respect and admire.

[Originally written on Aug 13, 2006... but I didn't complete it... ]

MFH 2

Maybe he’s blonde with blue eyes. He plays football [soccer]. He loves his family. He smiles… a lot. He haunts my daydreams, and fills my waking moments with minor excitements as I think about us doing something silly and simple… like cooking chicken or something.

Maybe he loves the language I love, that language of love… He’s travelled a bit, and he loves to. He’s interested, and that makes him interesting. A man of substance, but not without certain debts. And unbeknownst to him… a man after my heart.

Or perhaps my heart is after a man like him.

This time, maybe he exists, but only in a 2-week short span of time before I move back home. The adventure was supposed to come to an anti-climactic melt down… perhaps not even noticable. But maybe instead, it spins me into a pre-orgasmic rush… an inescapable lust trap… is there such thing as hopeful termination? Maybe it’s not that serious. [eyeroll]

Maybe he does exist… but this time… maybe he isn’t MFH at all.

I’ve been here waiting for you for quite some time
Getting tired of the slow… getting tired of the rhyme
Waiting for, holding on, fretting you’ll forget me
The time, space, a different place… feeds our energy.

I dream of the perfect life with you here by my side
I would be the warmth of day… you’d be the cool of night.
Overcoming fears, playing for keeps, playing the game to win
The good, the bad, and the better than we’ve ever been.

(inspired by Hey Baby … by Stephen Marley)

Today I decided…

Feb 13, 2006 – …that phone calls and alcohol can sometimes seem equally important.
Feb 14, 2006 – …that green is the most appropriate colour for all occasions.
Feb 15, 2006 – …that I want to wear slippers for the rest of my life.
Feb 16, 2006 – …that #3 is my mantra, and I need more sunlight in my life (the only REAL source of Vitamin D).
Feb 17, 2006 – …that #3 isn’t my mantra, and I need to fit up my belly. (note: FIT it up… not fat it up. cho)
Feb 18, 2006 – …that whoever *makes* me a cake is automatically in my inner circle.
Feb 19, 2006 – …that I want to move back to Florida.