This is NOT a New Year’s resolution!

Just so happen to be thinking about blogging for the first time in a long time, and it just so happens to be the beginning of a new year.  And just a little FYI, just because I’ve been absent from the blog scene doesn’t mean I wasn’t thinking about it this whole time.  Like that one time I went to Denver to ski for the first time — yeah, that was worth blogging about but I didn’t!  And that time I was researching which second hand Jeep Wrangler to buy from sketchy sellers on Craigslist — yeah, that was another blog worthy event!  But instead I happened to decide to not blog.  Just because.  And blogging now about nothing in particular has nothing to do with anything!! AT ALL!

But come back tomorrow… y’know… just in case this phenomenon repeats itself.  Daily.

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Daily dose of random links:

1. I posted this to my Facebook the other day and got a few laughs.  I mean, really, what else can you do but laugh: http://honestholly.com/the-good-wifes-guide-1950s-a-good-wife-knows-her-place/

2. My friend’s really cool design website… Who is They?

3. Another friend’s blog… which I’ve probably posted somewhere before, but she’s worth it… because she Ain’t No Fluzy.

4. Go hug a tree, and get green while doing it.  I kinda hate how my community doesn’t participate in any of this.  But it’s nice to dream about, I guess.  Then there’s the counter argument that confuses the hell outta people who just wanna do the right thing: Do NOT recycle because you’re hurting people.  I don’t know the date of that article, but I think I saw a US-based recycling company on the news the other day… as in, they do all the highly toxic dangerous stuff right here on US soil.  And hopefully they don’t let the mercury leak into our water supply… right?

5. Speaking of  Asian countries that we send our hazardous materials to so we don’t have to risk health defects while recycling…. here’s a slide show with some pix from my trip to China.  Thanks to Malaika for these.  [*Note: I'm not really in the pix, but Malaika has a great eye for interesting things.  And it was really an interesting trip!]

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Here’s another thought.  I have relatively small fingertips.  Why don’t I have an iPhone?

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HAPPY NEW YEAR…. may you be showered with love, light, and as much laughter as your abs can handle!!!

Video of the day

Elections are coming up, and I’m sure we’re all tired of the hype and propaganda.

Well… I found this refreshing.  More power to the youth all over the world… this election determines the next 4-8 years… the kids are our future [Whitney Houston "The Greatest Love of All".... *sigh*]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxlwYP0HNdc

Remember: You can vote however you like….

Just Vote.

Niceville

You ever meet someone so nice, it’s kinda creepy?  I’m sure it’s happened to all of us at some point, for a variety of reasons.  Once, when I was working as a producer for an online video sharing website [Openfilm.com], I was holding auditions for a sketch we were working on, and this older lady, kinda Lucille Ball-esque with over done theatrical makeup, walked in and was just totally overenthusiastic, but just really really *nice* about it.  Another time, while living in Minneapolis, it was snowy, and I had put on my backpack over my hooded jacket and the hood was trapped between the straps when outta nowhere this gentleman pulls the hood to freedom.  I almost smacked him, because where I’m from, nobody is that nice without expecting something.  And maybe that’s the root of it: People fear that others will take their kindness for weakness, so they protect themselves by being mean, or at the very least, indifferent.

Well, not so much coffee, unless nice is a synonym for bouncing off walls!

Well, a few weeks ago I was working a liquor promotion at a club in Palm Beach, and of course, it’s my JOB to be nice to everyone and hope nobody follows me home.  Before leaving, I wanted to change into something I’d wear to my brother’s club/playout later on.  I head over to the bathroom and the lights are out [how CREEPY!  Literary foreshadowing?  I hope not!], there’s a ladder in there, and, to my relief, two female patrons I recognized from the club.  I felt totally comfortable, believing that there’s little these two girls [who are my height] could possibly do to me while I change my clothes in the dark, potentially dangerous-construction-zone of a bathroom.

The three of us struck up conversation.  They’re from the Northwest [which I'm in love with, even tho I've never been]… Washington state and Oregon, I think.  I swoon… I love the music, the beer, the outdoors and organic food.  They’re clearly Latina and appreciate South Florida.  Travelling on buisness, I think they mention… more chitter chatter, and they ask for tips on where to go in Miami… I jot down a few places I like on the back of my Vista Print business card and remind them to be careful and have a blast in my home town.  I figured I’d never hear from them again.  Or maybe I hoped I wouldn’t.

Then, the emailing began.  The next day:

Hello?this is [Name] the gurlie from pama,this is my email addr.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

I think to myself, “Um… okay, cool, whatev,” and give the generic response:

Awesome! Great to be in touch! Enjoy the weekend, and you girls be safe!
Lauren

Fifteen minutes later:

Yes indeed we will keep incontact.okie dokie ur new Latina buddy.

Now, all of this is fine.  No reason to be alarmed.  I clearly gave out my number, and so, someone used it.  Big whoop.  Well, the little emails continued.  Nothing huge, she’s sending them from her BlackBerry, and nothing weird at all.  She sent a pic of her and her friend before they left Miami, I said have a safe flight and keep in touch.  Another “Hey, how you doin?” here and a “Hope you’re okay with the hurricane,” there.  And while I usually respond super quickly to things because I’m so wired all the time, I guess I got a little creeped out at all her niceness… to the point where I’m waiting for the fall.  Like, some latent instinct in me believes that people are only nice on the surface, and their inner psycho will be released if you enable it.

So I’m all amped up on thinking everyone else is crazy [except me of course], and I finally respond to the last “How was your weekend” email that I got yesterday.

My cuzin just passed away lastnight and left 3little beatiful girls behind,its painful.but other than that living a day 2 day….

I needn’t read more.  I offered up my condolences and moral support, but I already felt like *I’M* the creep.  I mean, c’mon, she’s clearly a human being!  Flash back to something my brother once told me: People will show you who they are if you just let them.  After reading that email, I saw who I was.  I was the mean person pointing fingers at everyone else, making the silent proclamation that if you weren’t mean, too, then you must obviously be a psycho creep.  Only… *I’M* the meanie!  I’m the one assuming that people are inherently full of it, when of course, *I’M* the one who’s full of it.  You ever feel that way, or realize that about yourself?

So, I just had a beer in the name of being nicer.  In general.  Granted, the alcohol makes me feel nicer already… but ultimately, I wanna make a conscious decision to assume and hope for the best in people, with the belief that that very same energy is likely to be returned.

*Cheers* to you all, and share your niceness in a reply.

I’m a kissing hazard

…because my tongue’s so sharp!  [According to Ronin Beatsmith]

It all started with an MSN convo about Facebook status updates.  I mentioned to Ronin on MSN that I can’t change my status to say what I honestly want to say, because I’d really offend some of my friends.  Sure, I don’t mind offending people, but there are these imaginary lines you’re not supposed to cross, y’know?  Like the line I’d cross if my status said:

“Lauren has a message for all of you girls getting married to guys who look gay — Your husband-to-be likes cock.”

In my opinion, it’s just the truth.

Ronin: …before i ask what raised the topic… let me remind you that you want to marry Anderson Cooper.”

Touche.

“Lauren was going to tell you that your husband looks gay, but Ronin reminded her that she wanted to marry Andy Coop.”

Hey, maybe us gals can get together while our husbands go shopping for us.  Or while they give each other facials [<-- whoa Nelly @ the innuendo!].

But Ronin misunderstood my whole thought process on the matter.

Ronin: the desire to marry overwhelms
Laur: makes me barf!  I’d rather live in unwed harmony with someone.

“Lauren would rather live in unwed harmony with a straight guy, than marry a gay guy b/c she felt fat and ugly.  You’re not as fat and ugly as you feel.  Hold out for the straight one.”

Heh.  I should write for SomeECards. *sigh*  Yes… beer was involved with this post.

Ronin Beatsmith/WarLaur Home Alone, June 2008

Sorry Ronin… I know this ain’t your best BJ face… hahaha.  Okokok, bedtime.

See dese CD’s?

I know some of you think I’m this great big world traveller [see Facebook albums 4 thru 12, all featuring international photos of yours truly], but I assure you it comes at its price.  Case in point… trip to California, Day 1, my mother calls to inform me that the sale of the car went through without a hitch.  That’s right — my parents sold my car.

[* That's not really how the story went, but for dramatic effect, I'll leave out the part about me convincing them to get rid of it.]

So, in light of this recent carlessness, and since I am now the proud owner of an iPod nano… I figure, what’s the point in schlepping these around anymore?!:

CDs galore

I mean, really.  In this technologically advanced day & age, no longer am I limited to making mixed CDs with titles like “She’s the Tear that Hangs in My Soul Forever,” “Music to Love Myself to, Like a Peanut Butter, Banana, and Honey Sandwich…,” and “Dismembered December.”  Or my personal favourite, “Springtime Can Kill You,” which was actually the title track… a little ditty by Jolie Holland.

Of course, I digress.  Point is, unless someone gives me a quick & easy way to jack the songs from the CDs directly to my iTunes music library, I’ll be painstakingly re-downloading each and every throwback and world beat, violating numerous intellectual property laws, subjecting thousands of starving children in Maradi, Niger to 12 more days of… starvation.

So, I implore you… send me a solution, or better yet, send me your music.  Save me the trouble.  Do it for the children. Pretty please…?

When in Chrome…

Anyone have any idea when Google Chrome will be available for Mac users?  I’m so tired of hearing about people trying it!  I wanna try it!!  ARGH!!  All Google ever says is “stay tuned.”  What is this, 1960’s television programming?

*hmph*

Voicemail is dead!

*Gasp*

Voicemail is dead!

While I may be one of the last people on the planet who takes time out to listen AND respond to each and every voice message [no matter how STUPID, such as "Hi, it's me.  Call me back."  WHO are you?!  How should I call you if I don't know who you are, and possibly don't even have your number?  Now that you've pissed me off, WHY should I call you back?  If 15 seconds of your voice sucked, why in my right mind would I subject myself to more of you?!  Blargh!]… After reading this article, I, too, have decided that voicemail should die.

I am thus declaring a moratorium on leaving me voicemail.  I am considering leaving the following as my greeting… tell me what you think!

” [BEEP]

Hi, you’ve reached my voicemail box.  Unfortunately, voicemail died… about 3 months ago.  So, in observance of its absence, please exercise some sensitivity by only leaving a message if it’s absolutely necessary… y’know, if you need to express a certain tone or emotion that text simply cannot capture.  If you hang up and email or text message me, I’ll respond expediently and expressively — I promise.  If you insist on leaving a voicemail, please… make it worth my time… something funny, at the very least.  Otherwise, don’t be alarmed if I don’t call you back.  Ever.

[BEEP]“

Blargh!

Why is blogging so harddddd?!

I could lie and tell you I’ve had a lot going on in my life, but the past 2 weeks have been as dry as tonight’s Presidential Debate.  Take that how you will… some people actually enjoyed it.

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In other news, airfare from here to Abu Dhabi is USD$1214.  Aka, way outta budget.

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My bank got taken over yesterday.  I found out via email on my BB from [not my bank, but] NYT updates.  Quick like bunnies, they are over at NYT.  Thanks guys, b/c without you, I would have been bewildered by that message I saw on the home page as I casually went to check my balance.  *le sigh*

Meanwhile, back at the ranch…

There’s another blog I check from time to time: My Money Blog [no, I didn't make that up].  I was meandering aimlessly in the lush wilderness of the world wide web one night, and stumbled upon [well, not "Stumbled Upon" but, came across] this great blog.  And while not all of the advice is directly applicable to everyone [and frankly, if I was married to a guy this serious <aka, anal> about his money, I'm not sure how I'd feel about it], there’s definitely a lot of good info.  Like, how else would I have learned about WaMu’s great Online Savings account [4%!!]?  Never mind that WaMu got gobbled down by JPMorgan Chase.  The FDIC protects poor folk like myself… who by Presidential Candidate definition, earn less than $250k.  Or some poorly paraphrased statistic like that.

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Brad Kong says I should become a scene girl.   WTF Brad?  I disagree.

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Because I’m painfully late when it comes to anything cool…. I’m JUST discovering McSweeney’s!  Now, this isn’t a subtle suggestion to click and browse.  I’m explicitly insisting you devour the content on that site with lustful fervor.

Someone once described my favourite Miami-based radio program, Pure Imagination, as McSweeney’s meets This American Life.  I never got it.  I know and love TAL, but McWhat?  Bah, whatev!  Heh… until I was being interviewed for Pure Imagination [I sorta became a voice actor for them... and they sorta love me over there... in the cubby hole... with the lava lamps...].  How silly did I feel when the interviewer [who hopefully never reads this, b/c he was *hot*] asked me how I’d describe PI, and refered to McSweeney’s.

Um… abada abada…

So, naturally, I got home and Googled it.  And fell in it.  Deep in it.  Gooooey.

And, maybe you’ll like it too.  So, check it out.  Not sure if I’d subscribe to the actual magazine [b/c I haven't subscribed to anything since Time in high school... me = El Nerd-o Superior], although it sounds like the coolest thing everrrrr.

Also check out Pure Imagination, b/c it’s the best aural sex you’re gunna get all weekend and you know it.

This American Life is pretty good mind love-making, too.  If you like to listen, think, and laugh [not necessarily in that order], then this show is for you.

PLEASE DO NOT BE ALARMED — these shows are AUDIO ONLY… meaning… you’ll have to listen, and possibly engage your own imagination for imagery! *gasp*  Suck it up.  It’s worth it.  Also available via iTunes [free podcasts!  Yay!].

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Me and Lizzy

Last weekend kicked ass.  This one better not suck.

=====  T H I S   W E E K E N D  =====

Friday’s done… I’ll skip it. If I didn’t skip it, it woulda been Juicy.

Saturday = Cheech & Chong @ FILLMORE on MIAMI BEACH.  Doors at 6pm, show at 7pm.  Tix @ livenation.com.  Info jacked from Sweat

Sunday = Miami Spice is still going on?  Awesome!  Go help the economy and treat yourself to lunch/dinner!  Apparently there’s a New England Clam Bake at Oceanaire [Brickell], 5-10p.  Info jacked from Miami.com

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Now playing:  Paulinho da Viola – Pecado Capital.  Enjoy!