Voicemail is dead!

*Gasp*

Voicemail is dead!

While I may be one of the last people on the planet who takes time out to listen AND respond to each and every voice message [no matter how STUPID, such as "Hi, it's me.  Call me back."  WHO are you?!  How should I call you if I don't know who you are, and possibly don't even have your number?  Now that you've pissed me off, WHY should I call you back?  If 15 seconds of your voice sucked, why in my right mind would I subject myself to more of you?!  Blargh!]… After reading this article, I, too, have decided that voicemail should die.

I am thus declaring a moratorium on leaving me voicemail.  I am considering leaving the following as my greeting… tell me what you think!

” [BEEP]

Hi, you’ve reached my voicemail box.  Unfortunately, voicemail died… about 3 months ago.  So, in observance of its absence, please exercise some sensitivity by only leaving a message if it’s absolutely necessary… y’know, if you need to express a certain tone or emotion that text simply cannot capture.  If you hang up and email or text message me, I’ll respond expediently and expressively — I promise.  If you insist on leaving a voicemail, please… make it worth my time… something funny, at the very least.  Otherwise, don’t be alarmed if I don’t call you back.  Ever.

[BEEP]“