I’m a kissing hazard

…because my tongue’s so sharp!  [According to Ronin Beatsmith]

It all started with an MSN convo about Facebook status updates.  I mentioned to Ronin on MSN that I can’t change my status to say what I honestly want to say, because I’d really offend some of my friends.  Sure, I don’t mind offending people, but there are these imaginary lines you’re not supposed to cross, y’know?  Like the line I’d cross if my status said:

“Lauren has a message for all of you girls getting married to guys who look gay — Your husband-to-be likes cock.”

In my opinion, it’s just the truth.

Ronin: …before i ask what raised the topic… let me remind you that you want to marry Anderson Cooper.”

Touche.

“Lauren was going to tell you that your husband looks gay, but Ronin reminded her that she wanted to marry Andy Coop.”

Hey, maybe us gals can get together while our husbands go shopping for us.  Or while they give each other facials [<-- whoa Nelly @ the innuendo!].

But Ronin misunderstood my whole thought process on the matter.

Ronin: the desire to marry overwhelms
Laur: makes me barf!  I’d rather live in unwed harmony with someone.

“Lauren would rather live in unwed harmony with a straight guy, than marry a gay guy b/c she felt fat and ugly.  You’re not as fat and ugly as you feel.  Hold out for the straight one.”

Heh.  I should write for SomeECards. *sigh*  Yes… beer was involved with this post.

Ronin Beatsmith/WarLaur Home Alone, June 2008

Sorry Ronin… I know this ain’t your best BJ face… hahaha.  Okokok, bedtime.

See dese CD’s?

I know some of you think I’m this great big world traveller [see Facebook albums 4 thru 12, all featuring international photos of yours truly], but I assure you it comes at its price.  Case in point… trip to California, Day 1, my mother calls to inform me that the sale of the car went through without a hitch.  That’s right — my parents sold my car.

[* That's not really how the story went, but for dramatic effect, I'll leave out the part about me convincing them to get rid of it.]

So, in light of this recent carlessness, and since I am now the proud owner of an iPod nano… I figure, what’s the point in schlepping these around anymore?!:

CDs galore

I mean, really.  In this technologically advanced day & age, no longer am I limited to making mixed CDs with titles like “She’s the Tear that Hangs in My Soul Forever,” “Music to Love Myself to, Like a Peanut Butter, Banana, and Honey Sandwich…,” and “Dismembered December.”  Or my personal favourite, “Springtime Can Kill You,” which was actually the title track… a little ditty by Jolie Holland.

Of course, I digress.  Point is, unless someone gives me a quick & easy way to jack the songs from the CDs directly to my iTunes music library, I’ll be painstakingly re-downloading each and every throwback and world beat, violating numerous intellectual property laws, subjecting thousands of starving children in Maradi, Niger to 12 more days of… starvation.

So, I implore you… send me a solution, or better yet, send me your music.  Save me the trouble.  Do it for the children. Pretty please…?

Jamaican mi ‘ungry!

Chinese Jamaican food restuarant in Kendall, Jamaica Kitchen, was featured on a Food Network program.  Now, I’ve easily passed this place a bazillion times from back in my undergrad days.  And jah know, nothing like some good Jamaican food to aide a hang over.  Not like I ever got those.  *ahem*

I generally like to stick with the food I know and like.  Personal favourite: Junie’s in Pembroke Pines.  Best Ox Tail and rice and peas everrrr.

First runner up: the Caribbean grocery place in the Flamingo Pines Shopping Center, right next to the Nutrition S’Mart and Nee’s Kung Fu.  Can’t remember the name of the place, but GREAT Escoveitched Fish!  Although I don’t think they serve it with bammy or festival like at Hellshire… *le sigh*

Other contenders include Aunt I’s, Jah-Nets, Marcia’s Cafe, Sango’s [Chi Jamaican], the Friday night fish fry spots [like Truck Stop and that spot by 441 and Hallandale? Somewhere out there], and a bunch more, I’m sure.  I mean, c’mon… this is South Florida, aka, Kingston 21.  There’s no shortage of Jamaican food, good/bad, Chinese/Indian, large/small…Everything from mannish water, boiled/roasted/fried breadfruit, ACKEE AND SALTFISH, gungu peas soup, stew peas and rice, fricassee/brown stew chicken, curry chicken/goat/shrimp/anything, beef soup, corned beef and cabbage [essentially hurricane food, but a quick snack none the less... best enjoyed on some hard dough bread], Yummi peg bread, etc.  Man, at this point, even turn cornmeal is beginning to sound good.  Or maybe not.

And everyone has their favourite.  My brother loves this place up in Ft Lauderdale somewhere, while I have friends who swear nothing compares to Jamaican food from Jamaica… like quintessential roadside dining — Wally’s Pan Chicken [is he even still there?  At the bottom of Manor Park/Constant Spring Road, only 2 or 3 nights a week], or Faith’s Pen… Jamaican “hamburgers” or Tastee’s patties… I always loved Devon House 3-corner patties, followed up with some ice cream.  My friends rave about the guava ice cream… me?  When it comes to Jamaican food… I find it terribly difficult to descriminate.

Now, ah not even jokin… my belly jus grumble!

When in Chrome…

Anyone have any idea when Google Chrome will be available for Mac users?  I’m so tired of hearing about people trying it!  I wanna try it!!  ARGH!!  All Google ever says is “stay tuned.”  What is this, 1960’s television programming?

*hmph*

Voicemail is dead!

*Gasp*

Voicemail is dead!

While I may be one of the last people on the planet who takes time out to listen AND respond to each and every voice message [no matter how STUPID, such as "Hi, it's me.  Call me back."  WHO are you?!  How should I call you if I don't know who you are, and possibly don't even have your number?  Now that you've pissed me off, WHY should I call you back?  If 15 seconds of your voice sucked, why in my right mind would I subject myself to more of you?!  Blargh!]… After reading this article, I, too, have decided that voicemail should die.

I am thus declaring a moratorium on leaving me voicemail.  I am considering leaving the following as my greeting… tell me what you think!

” [BEEP]

Hi, you’ve reached my voicemail box.  Unfortunately, voicemail died… about 3 months ago.  So, in observance of its absence, please exercise some sensitivity by only leaving a message if it’s absolutely necessary… y’know, if you need to express a certain tone or emotion that text simply cannot capture.  If you hang up and email or text message me, I’ll respond expediently and expressively — I promise.  If you insist on leaving a voicemail, please… make it worth my time… something funny, at the very least.  Otherwise, don’t be alarmed if I don’t call you back.  Ever.

[BEEP]“

Blargh!

Why is blogging so harddddd?!

I could lie and tell you I’ve had a lot going on in my life, but the past 2 weeks have been as dry as tonight’s Presidential Debate.  Take that how you will… some people actually enjoyed it.

*****

In other news, airfare from here to Abu Dhabi is USD$1214.  Aka, way outta budget.

*****

My bank got taken over yesterday.  I found out via email on my BB from [not my bank, but] NYT updates.  Quick like bunnies, they are over at NYT.  Thanks guys, b/c without you, I would have been bewildered by that message I saw on the home page as I casually went to check my balance.  *le sigh*

Meanwhile, back at the ranch…

There’s another blog I check from time to time: My Money Blog [no, I didn't make that up].  I was meandering aimlessly in the lush wilderness of the world wide web one night, and stumbled upon [well, not "Stumbled Upon" but, came across] this great blog.  And while not all of the advice is directly applicable to everyone [and frankly, if I was married to a guy this serious <aka, anal> about his money, I'm not sure how I'd feel about it], there’s definitely a lot of good info.  Like, how else would I have learned about WaMu’s great Online Savings account [4%!!]?  Never mind that WaMu got gobbled down by JPMorgan Chase.  The FDIC protects poor folk like myself… who by Presidential Candidate definition, earn less than $250k.  Or some poorly paraphrased statistic like that.

*****

Brad Kong says I should become a scene girl.   WTF Brad?  I disagree.

*****

Because I’m painfully late when it comes to anything cool…. I’m JUST discovering McSweeney’s!  Now, this isn’t a subtle suggestion to click and browse.  I’m explicitly insisting you devour the content on that site with lustful fervor.

Someone once described my favourite Miami-based radio program, Pure Imagination, as McSweeney’s meets This American Life.  I never got it.  I know and love TAL, but McWhat?  Bah, whatev!  Heh… until I was being interviewed for Pure Imagination [I sorta became a voice actor for them... and they sorta love me over there... in the cubby hole... with the lava lamps...].  How silly did I feel when the interviewer [who hopefully never reads this, b/c he was *hot*] asked me how I’d describe PI, and refered to McSweeney’s.

Um… abada abada…

So, naturally, I got home and Googled it.  And fell in it.  Deep in it.  Gooooey.

And, maybe you’ll like it too.  So, check it out.  Not sure if I’d subscribe to the actual magazine [b/c I haven't subscribed to anything since Time in high school... me = El Nerd-o Superior], although it sounds like the coolest thing everrrrr.

Also check out Pure Imagination, b/c it’s the best aural sex you’re gunna get all weekend and you know it.

This American Life is pretty good mind love-making, too.  If you like to listen, think, and laugh [not necessarily in that order], then this show is for you.

PLEASE DO NOT BE ALARMED — these shows are AUDIO ONLY… meaning… you’ll have to listen, and possibly engage your own imagination for imagery! *gasp*  Suck it up.  It’s worth it.  Also available via iTunes [free podcasts!  Yay!].

*****

Me and Lizzy

Last weekend kicked ass.  This one better not suck.

=====  T H I S   W E E K E N D  =====

Friday’s done… I’ll skip it. If I didn’t skip it, it woulda been Juicy.

Saturday = Cheech & Chong @ FILLMORE on MIAMI BEACH.  Doors at 6pm, show at 7pm.  Tix @ livenation.com.  Info jacked from Sweat

Sunday = Miami Spice is still going on?  Awesome!  Go help the economy and treat yourself to lunch/dinner!  Apparently there’s a New England Clam Bake at Oceanaire [Brickell], 5-10p.  Info jacked from Miami.com

*****

Now playing:  Paulinho da Viola – Pecado Capital.  Enjoy!

Vote for Cezar & Mariah Remix + Post Video on Facebook = FREE iPOD TOUCH!!!

Yeah, that’s how shameless I go with my promos.

So, it’s easy as pie:

1. Go here to vote for the remix

2. Go here to watch the video and the first 100 to comment can win the iPod

3. Share the vid to your Facebook profile, take a screenshot, and email it to David Mullings @ mariahremix@realvibez.tv

Drawing is on Sept 20.  Whoo hoo!

Theme Schmeeme

I’ve been stressing over this all night. Literally! I didn’t crawl into bed until minutes to 8am and I swear — it’s because I was suffering major brain strain over how to turn this blog from a mushy mess [much like the falafel disaster that once took place in my mother's kitchen] into a cohesive, readble, RSS feedable, loveable huggable blog!

Most blogs that I’ve bookmarked have some kinda theme…

Critical Miami – Miami specific blog… all things Miami, esp current events and things to do, places to eat, etc.  This guy focused on the community of Miami, and frankly, I’m super sad this blog is gone.  I’m still in mourning, so I haven’t checked out his new blog yet.  There’s a link to it somewhere in the blogosphere…

Hannah’s PIA blog- My friend Hannah is doing a fellowship program in South Korea and she’s blogging about her experiences [doesn't get much cooler than having a whole country as your theme].

Sweat Records – Not really like, blog blog, but Sweat is a local Miami indie record store/hang out spot, and this girl, Lolo, is like, Miami’s biggest cheerleader without pom-poms.  I check this website b/c she keeps the bestest list of things to do en la MIA.

Roli’s LifeBlog+21 – So, although Roli no longer updates his photo blog [get on that, roli, please], it’s still super fun to look back on his camera phone pix of his journies in Utrect and wherever the hell else in the world he is.

Mostly Lisa – Arguably one of the best blogs everrrrrr!  Not just b/c she’s one of the inspirations for me to blog more regularly, but [the short list]: 1. She’s a SHE, 2. She’s a techy geek [which, I sorta am, only, she's better... *sadface*], 3. She’s Candian, 4. Her writing is error free, short/to-the-point, and witty, 5. She supplements it all with cool links and pix. And she’s an actrees/model/photographer! Uber inspiring!

* An honorary blog, even though she no longer blogs, is Amanda Hannah.  I think hers was the first blog I ever started reading religiously, and that was back when MySpace was cool.  Nowadays she can be read on Facebook via the notes section, but — you gotta be her friend.

IMO, these are tough acts to follow.  Each of them have just enough to lure you in, hold your interest, without boring anyone to tears.  But they all centre around some THING… and I dunno what to wrap this blog around!!  The whole eco-friendly thing is suuuuper cliche now, a blog about my life would bore ME to tears, and I’m not interesting enough to come up with anything better.

So… for now… you’re stuck with the mish-mash I call Cookiepuss Couture: stuff I think is cool.  Lame, I know.  But it’ll get better… I hope!

Back. Again.

…And I’ve made the switch to WorldPress!  Let’s hope this means I’ll actually blog more and improve my writing skills…